Yenta Conquers Public Radio

This morning, after dreams of bad high school parties, Paul from WVVY public radio called at eight am and woke me from my slumber. I had e-mailed him about how I wanted to do a radio segment and he said, "How about you do one alone from 5-7 tonight?" Ok. So at 12:15 I met this man at his house in the woods.

Today was a perfect incredible crisp spring day and Paul was sitting on his porch eating gourmet pizza and an orange drink of which I had to restrain myself from asking for a sip. I was there to get acquainted before he escorted me over to the radio station to show me the ropes.

Paul said hi and kept eating his pizza. I just sat down and it was so nice. Just being offered a moment like that, to just sit with another human on a porch on a perfect day.

Paul has a peacock tattoo on his right arm that I noticed the day before when I saw him at a cafe but didn't know who he was. I just saw the peacock tattoo and thought how much I liked it. Little did I know that that peacock tattoo was gonna hand me random radio air time the following day.

Paul is a builder and woodworker and was wearing overalls and a button up shirt. He built his own house. I went inside for a minute to get water and saw the woodwork. Amazing. We went to the radio after that. It was a crazy space in the second basement of this church-like beautiful wooden house. There were lots of levels including a yoga studio and a music room and a party room. We had to go down spiral concrete stairs in a black tube-like structure and then it was all so casual, a little secret radio room in the basement of this odd secret house.

I am trying to focus as I write this, but frankly, there are so many animals outside this house I am in. I am in the woods and I can hear the animals outside and am doing my best not to conjure up ridiculous nightmarish scenarios of bandits in the forest coming to steal me into the nether realm.

Paul took 15 minutes to teach me how to launch my own radio show. I mean in 15 minutes I learned how to fade in and out of segments, to air the piece, to work the AUX and the CD and the two microphones. That was it. 15 minutes and the radio was mine.

I went home and prepped, a tiny bit, and returned at quarter to five very nervous and very excited. This was my second time on the radio, my first time alone, and it was SO fun. It was all a lot like teaching high school. Prep your lesson, trust your gut and then go for it. Here is what my two hour-radio show consisted of:

1 Excerpt from "Counsel For The Damned," by Neil Fleishman on how the five hours after marriage make or break a marriage, all based on the bedroom skills a man is born with and carries to the threshold.

4 Announcements of Heather Jardin's fight cancer fundraiser on May 14, 6pm to Midnight at P.A. in Oak Bluffs.

1 Story about the Catholic school religious teacher and his love for body building.

2 Poems from Emily Carr's "Directions For Flying: 36 Fits: A Young Wife's Almanac."

Songs by Nina Simone, Arcade Fire, Devandra Bernhardt, Big Mama Thorton, The Barry Sisters, Run DMC, John Lennon, The Baka Forest People and others.

2 Excerpts from "Stranger Than Fiction" by Chuck Palahniuk on wrestlers and their gnarled ears.

1 Story about how much I love the pool story in "Haunted."

A handful of mentions of farmers and their merits, my favorite Vineyard establishments, etc.

Roughly 10 excerpts from AskYourYenta.com covering everything from S&M safe words to tantric sex, depression, psychopharmeceuticals and chronic dating disasters.

Now that's what I call two hours of public radio randomly handed to an amateur advice columnist, thank you very much.